I wannas sexs uuuuu
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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