Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
