After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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