So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you never un-have a 4some
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
