I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
