alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
