we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
