Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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