Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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