I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
