i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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