I looked at my own cervix.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
