Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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