i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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