I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
