I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
