Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize