Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
