U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
