If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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