you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
