you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
