I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
