Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
