I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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