I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
