Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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