she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
