Who wears a wallet chain?!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
