Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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