i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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