my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
