my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
