her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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