i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
