i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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