she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
