What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize