She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
