if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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