dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
