i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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