Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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