I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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