he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize