She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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