a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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