My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
