She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
