yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
