I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Randomize
