I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
