this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
