My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Holy shit dude........stairs
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
