I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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