So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I need to stop coming to work sober
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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