omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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