Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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