Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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