Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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