I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
