i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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