i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
