wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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