Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
