Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
