my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
