my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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