you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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