Dude my mom stole all your condoms
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Green mimosas i think yes
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
