I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this boner is exhausting
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
