I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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