In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
