ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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