They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize