where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
